Sins of the Father

on the horizon

2009-09-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

well, its been quite the journey. a lot of false starts, a lot of doubt, fear about the ramifications of what i was attempting to do-in terms of scope and in terms of content,...fatigue both emotionally and artistically,...

BUT all this is finally coming to an end. well at least the first leg of the trip.

i'm finishing up the art for chapter 4, which after careful consideration i decided to add to this first volume so it would be balanced two chapters with our wayward antihero 'bastion, and two chapters with our lionness in hiding fuana. soon i'll be posting some random panels to give you all a taste of what's to come but i first have to acknowledge the sheer magnitude of what i was attempting to do, and now that i'm very close to seeing the first phase of this project come to fruition i want to say right here, and right now-to all of those aspiring writer/artists out there,.... holy crap. all i can say is LOVE YOUR SUBJECT MATTER. and when i say love i should really say have an obsession about it. because that is the ONLY thing that will help you stay on the path when there is absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel to guide you-in terms of editors, deals, or in my case creative assistance. of course no man is an island, i've had invaluable help amongst my friends, but NO ONE will lift that pencil, or type the letter but you. when this is the case,...my friends, you will stare into the abyss and it will scream right back into your face drenching your face in all your insecurities and fear like warm stringy saliva.

and its at that point. and only that point, where you find out if you really want it or not. there's nothing romantic about it. or at least in my case that's how it is. i just decided to put my head down and trudge through it. all the muck-and distractions-and confusion. keep moving forward one panel, one word at a time.

and wouldn't you know it,...it took some time but finally its fallen in place.

thanks again for all your support those who are following this, and those i haven't met yet that stumbled across this blog-i welcome you and all your comments and questions. even if they're angry ones. because afterall, if its not touching a nerve its probably dull anyway.

naked and unashamed

2009-05-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

i suppose this is what it feels like to be standing on the edge looking down into the gaping mouth of irreversible action.
when was the last time you felt truly naked?
emotionally physically spiritually
balls out.
vulnerable.
i think that's why all of us are so afraid, of death, the ultimate irreversible action.
and yet some would have you believe even that can be defied.
perhaps its nothing. then again scientific, cultural, even spiritual avalanches have started with a moment of epiphany-so i can't discount a gut feeling.
all i can say is,....i've never been this terrified of anything i've created,...perhaps that's because i've never really created anything that felt this personal before. and so relevant.
anyway,...i'm not hiding behind some veil of puffed up righteousness
Sins of the Father will be released very soon, and it will walk on its own legs. whether it takes two steps and dies, or it takes off into the air like a great flying beast,....i can't say.
all i can say is when you've mined this deep,...made yourself THIS uncomfortable all for the sake of finding out your truth, and through that truth hopefully a glimpse of a greater truth that you can share with your friends and neighbors,...well then,...success or failure,... at least i didn't pull back in the last moment. for fear's sake,...

commiting to forward motion

2008-11-22T23:40:00.001-08:00

do you remember what it was like to stand at the high dive as a kid and look down? all you had to do is walk forward and the decision was made, regardless of how you felt about it you were on your way for good or ill.
and usually it wasn't nearly as scary as you may have made it out to be.
Change, its terrifying, paralyzing,
but it can be liberating,... when you're making decisions based on trust not in someone else to take care of you-but in yourself
you to tend to find a way to make it happen. I'll admit because of the financial crisis even though i'd like to think i'm an empowered individual, fearless of change, i was paralyzed.
but today, i made a change. with assistance from friends with some of the details,...but for the most part just simply creating a formula and following the formula it all fell in line quicker than i expected and i got exactly what i wanted. committing to forward motion, that's it.
this does tie into the sins of the father theme, we are not slaves to the currents of life. if we decide we can guide ourselves and not just be tossed about like listless boats
if believing in a higher power grounds you and it emboldens you into action, great
but for me,...action is the real source of power in life. it's easy to talk, which is what prayer is,...the hard part comes when you have to make the words real. bring them to life with action.
it's terribly difficult like walking away from a girlfriend/boyfriend you've really invested in but knew you were only hurting each other by staying together-that'll gut you right to the core, but when and if you do-that's the amazing part, its never as hard as you think it will be,...
you just have to love yourself enough to say-I DESERVE BETTER, and i will raise the bar for myself.
-ok, its not a huge deal but symbolically it means the world to me, i got my first apartment on the westcoast by myself, its not that i had any issues living by myself-i actually prefer it but i didn't think i could afford it. but, as i said before once i got it in my head this is what i needed, i found a way.
there's ALWAYS a way. you just have to stop talking and do it.

hope vs. faith

2008-11-12T18:43:00.000-08:00

"there's a trickle down theory at work in the church. The celibate priest advises married couples, the celibate nun advises teen on their sexuality. All i need is faith?
Faith in what? Faith in the fact that i can suspend the human thought process in order to allow for this kind of lunacy? no they say, it's the faith that brings sanity."
-lewis black
i believe strongly that's it more important to have hope, than it is to have faith. hope means you are optimistic you choose to see the good in a situation as opposed to the bad, faith in my opinion means you expect something from nothing. doesn't that seem dangerous?
expectations are dangerous especially when they are fantasies of unconditional acceptance. again a truly human creation. animals in the wild sometimes abandon their offspring. why? maybe there's something wrong with the baby and the mother senses it. but they're so cute and adorable, sad but that's life. death sucks. but it is a part of life, to cheat death or to somehow avoid its finality through fantasy seems to be a tragedy human nature cannot fully cope with. and that therefore effects the quality of life when we are still able to live it. i'm not loved here, i will be loved in death. how isn't that scary? that means that the disturbed can divorce themselves from their actions here on earth because in the end they fully believe the slate will be wiped clean in the afterlife. That gives them all the justification in the world to kill maim rape murder all under the mandate of an imaginary friend they expect will be waiting with open arms to play hopscotch in the clouds after they pass from this life. that is fucking terrifying. such is the power and the delusion of faith.

who would have thought,...

2008-11-05T00:38:00.001-08:00

not that it fucking matters but
horray for the people finally finding their voice
what is this a new fucking discovery?! THIS is exactly the reason why the rest of the world reacted so strongly to the decisions that bush and his administration has made,...our country is very diverse and yet the rest of the world only saw one point of view
well guess what,...no more. no more-or so i hope-the entrenched a-holes that have run business as usual continue on,...i hope a REAL change has taken place,...only actions will determine if this is true or if this just another PR spin,...
this is a wonderful moment,...but this is just the beginning of a VERY LONG JOURNEY and trust me the republicans and the hateful fucks that never wanted this to happen will not go quietly into the night,...he's going to have to fight for every inch,...and all i can hope is the wind is at his back for the whole journey,...

congrats---america finally you've shown you're not the a-holes the rest of the world has rightfully assumed you are
j

jesus and mohammed & budha drink pumpkin spice ale

2008-10-24T00:18:00.000-07:00

How is it possible that someone could imagine religion without political ties,...?

I mean honestly,...think about what it takes to bring people together,...?
I'll go out on a limb and ask what would it take for you and your neighbors to get together and have a pow wow? if you live in a nice 2-car garage, neighborhood-watch community only a series of robberies or a socially awkward family moving in might cause a stir but for most of us nothing short of a trainwreck in the night will bring us all together
that is unless religion is involved.
religion is a perfect call to arms,...even if i am cool with you as a person when the battle lines are drawn and ultimately you are on one side and i'm on the other strictly based on what you are born (ethinically and socially) into,... logic goes out the window and your loyalty and more importantly your familial ties usually wins. that's what blows my mind about how religion is used in this day and age, its not like in the past where most people didn't have access to a line of history (the history channel) to see what happens when people use nationalism or religion as a banner to rally around,... i mean come ON?!

i understand how important having a ritual is in your life for so many people, i get it-its a gravitational pull it keeps you centered it gives you focus ok fine, but when that pull is LITERALLY pulling people in these ridiculous directions based on political opportunism and by opportunism i mean if i use the word joe blow i'm going to be connecting more with this demographic than i would if i said joe merlot,...
bottom line what frustrates me is that religion is what it is,...it helps people get by
ok, i have absolutely no problem with that

what i DO have a problem with is when "the way i get by" becomes LAW for everyone there is something totally fucked about believing you have all the right answers,...you've gotta ask yourself if you do believe in a higher power don't you think that's pretty fuckin' vain to assume you can tap into what it is that made all this possible? i mean talk about naive, you think that the power that made set the forces in motion to spin universes into existence gives a fuck about your ability to play chop sticks?

but that's ultimately what it comes down to,...a few salesman looking to sell you something you don't need, so they have to convince you that you are missing what they are selling (salvation from a manmade doomsday) and they've got the only solution

boy sounds like a bad infomercial

anyway,...i'm just talkin'
maybe there is some magical dude waiting for me to take his/her/its name in vain and then i'll get a good ol' fashion smoting

BLADOW

so a gun and a fundamentalist go into a bar,...

2008-10-17T23:37:00.001-07:00

a couple of days ago it finally occurred to me why guns enthusiasts are usually enthusiastic about religion as well. because in the end they serve the same purpose.

let's go down the list and see what we can see, shall we?

hostile environment
GUN:
provide a sense of relief from harm and a way to defend oneself in a hostile environment

RELIGION:
provide a sense of relief from harm and a way to defend oneself in a hostile environment

distance
GUN:
allows a user to distance themselves from the actual act of taking life or harming another human being
RELIGION:
allows a user to distance themselves from the actual act of taking life or harming another human being by claiming a force bigger than myself compelled me to action.

entitlement
GUN:
using a weapon may give you the temporary sense that you are in control and therefore your demands will be met because the alternative is a horrible fate

RELIGION:
using religion as a means of control through fear of the alternative, a horrible fate.

on its own
GUN:
an amazing technological advancement

RELIGION:
an amazing conditioning advancement

i may be wrong,...but this sounds right.

no exceptions

2008-10-06T01:43:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be honest, with the economy falling apart one bank at a time, feeling the pinch at work from lagging sales, two wars that like the energizer bunny on crank keep going and going and going, prices at the grocery store steadly climbing and as soon as the election has passed those gas prices will jump back up as well,...its enough to make anyone say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! If there is a grand force in this universe that cares enough to tell us not to covet our neighbor's wife-ox-or 50 inch plasma then why in the hell can't this force intervene and give us the struggling ants a break!
but as soon as i throw up my hands in utter emotional exhaustion i am forced to remind myself,...how arrogant am i to think what i'm experiencing right now is specifically directed at me. EVERYONE is suffering, and to be disturbingly real about it we (americans) have been terribly spoiled for the most part and only now are we getting a small glimpse at what life looks like to most of the rest of the world,...uncertain, strapped for liquidity, and skeptical of its governing elite not only in politics but in business as well.
surrendering the ego and leaning back to gain perspective on a problem reveals why albert einstein and baruch spinoza believed in the same definition of a higher power. There is no doubt that something vastly powerful created all this,...there was a beginning,...an unfathomable spark in the void that vomitted forth a system that survives and thrives on a set of rules some we have come to understand others we have yet to discover but this system keeps everything in balance chaos and order light and dark humility vanity the pendulum exists not because it wants to, it just is. It is a sobering epiphany when you close your eyes that no special force is specifically watching over you while you sleep, you ARE NOT bound. you are free to fail or succeed, or be indifferent in your life. the system will not be moved to make an exception for you. the system is indifferent. its beautiful and its beyond me to understand it but i can appreciate it for what it is and like einstein and spinoza did, be perpetually in awe and never stop picking at the system hoping to uncover more and more of its beauty and its harshness,...because like it or not i'm not satisfied with the condescending emotional roadblock that my parents threw out occasionally when i asked them a question they didn't know the answer to "It just is what it is, when you get older then you'll understand." fuck that. what i'm learning is that when you get older you only learn how to justify your own laziness better,...that's all.
but i digress, this mess america finds itself in is not a sign that the devil lives on wallstreet,...its a simple cause and effect equation. a bunch of people thought they deserved to be rich while the people they were supposed to be helping deserved to get got-and since the people we've elected to represent us often sleep with the same gordon geckos that masterminded this entire bloody mess they of course were waiting for their money shot while we the american people got it right, in, the eye.
the laws exist,...even when we don't see them. they exist. indifferent, layered, and final.
its only scary when we think we're special, then vainly we think we can manuever through those rules and not get caught, and that's when the universe gives us that disturbing wake up call...
THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS

Einstein Quote

2008-08-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

"The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."

Sins of the Father chapter 2 now posted

2008-08-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

Sins of the Father Chapter 2 is now posted @

www.theartofjaredrogness.com

the Fear factor

2008-07-22T10:32:00.001-07:00

I've always been curious about the concept of being a proper God fearing Christian, as if fearing your creator was a good thing. I think back on the mixed signals I've received from countless lectures and hours upon hours of passive aggressive preaching from parents pastors neighbors and the like about how God is a loving God, but you would do well to fear him. Because he has a hair trigger for a temper. Sure he sent his only son down to earth to take upon himself all of our collective sins, i mean damn talk about a callous prick-not even his family/well actually if Jesus God and the holy Ghost are all one in the same he really sent his pinky finger down to save us, maybe he's not the loving god we all thought maybe he just wants to know what it feels like to know fear himself and to suffer as if he was mortal? if he's part God but bleeds and sees through very mortal eyes then he would have to know what fear felt like.
Imagine that, if the supreme creator that spun all of this out of nothing didn't know what he had created-wanted to experience the sensations we take for granted here, for himself,...uh,...does that really encourage you to be a believer? Yeah my God is an awesome God,...I mean he's so awesome that he just creates all this stuff and sometimes he doesn't even know what he created, he was on a roll-didn't have time to stop and think about what he did, it was just like
"BAM there you go! BAM that's tight! BAM i'm not sure what that is but i'll get around to figuring it out after a while! BAM oh now that IS awesome, i think i'll tell man/woman to call that a wombat."
in god's infinite wisdom he DIDN'T know what it felt like to be tortured and crucified? so he needed to experience it via a human host body? seriously? come on. Vanity pure and simple, we create a god that is supposedly all knowing-all powerful and yet when it comes to knowing pain and the suffering he's created-because afterall if you create a creature that creates suffering then you as the creator of that creature are responsible for that suffering-so that's what we are to fear, the fact that he's an all powerful supreme being that has his hands into EVERYTHING but when it comes to man/woman he's decided to take his hands off the wheel and we are supposed to come to him out of our own volition? WHY would it do that?
Because IT is a man made invention. fear the authority, fear its wrath, it loves you that's why it beats you down. Sound familiar? its up to YOU to come to him he knows whats best for you, and this bullshit about Jesus suffering for your sins, sins that THEY created. unbelievable.
Now i know what people might say, well if there is no god then there is no sin, and if there is no sin then there is no moral crime and if there is no moral crime then we are free to do anything and everything we want! no god, no fear.
NICE,...but that's bullshit-that's dinosaur talk. Not fearing doesn't give us the license to be killers, it only means that we use reason to base our code of conduct on NOT moral bullying. If you kill your neighbor because you want his/her car if the community around you didn't prevent you from doing that EVERYONE would be killing each other for their material posessions. Simple. A + B= peace. you don't need a phantasm in the sky for that, but many people cling to that image because fear lets you know you're alive. I'm alive but i could be crushed by a power much bigger than me,...that validates my existence my puny little existence. But this knowledge of the order of things keeps many impotent as well, which is why i don't fear god, if it does exist. I am in awe of whatever it is that spun all of this into being,...being in awe doesn't make me any less appreciative of life,...it just makes me feel fortunate to have a chance to be here and live day to day, as if any day could be my last,...and after i depart from this earth, i don't expect Earth round 2 the cloud version-i feel that whatever i was will be dispersed into the atoms of this earth and will be reconfigured somewhere else, feeding the cycle of death and rebirth, but i will be no more. and that makes me feel free to live as if i won't get a second chance. So if this is my one chance to live why the FUCK would i want to spend most of my time in fear,...
well i won't, and you shouldn't either.

the day i lost my faith and my footing

2008-04-29T01:27:00.000-07:00

True story,...

I was 14 my arms were full of art supplies coming down the stairs in a hurry and OOPS I tripped and tumbled down the stairs and at the bottom of the stairs SMACK right into the wall. I was disoriented, my pride hurt and so did my leg. I whined,...my dad was sitting literally ten feet away watching the news, he heard the racket and in true midwestern fashion he leaned over to catch my eye and asked in an hurried tone,... "Can you walk?" I replied,..."I,...I don't know aaaah it hurts I think I broke something." He leaned back into his chair and said,... "Wait until after the news then we'll get you some ice." As I sat there holding my ankle I remember thinking,..."holy shit he's not kidding. Finishing the news is more important than helping me with my jacked up ankle,... well then fuck it I don't need his help." And that was it, I gritted my teeth stood after several tries and limped away never looking back. I love my parents, I love them for this lesson even though to this day my dad always laughs and says "Jair,...." That was the day I stopped expecting help and stopped waiting for someone else to solve my problems.
When I ask people what's the feeling they get when they think that there's an invisible force looking out for them, more often than not the reply is "It's nice to know I'm not alone." My response to that is how much potential is lost leaning on this placebo this crutch for support. We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for,...but most individuals turn away from their own strength in favor of an external force to lean on. When in the end the power has always been within you. When I stopped reaching out, and instead used that hand to lift myself up that was a day where I ceased to become a victim and instead became master of my own fate.
I've learned to give and recieve with the best of them I've gone through phases of voluntary solitude and desperate longing, and i've come to respect the basic idea of karma passing on the goodness that has come to me,...but never,...NEVER will I hold my breath waiting to be rescued. The invisible hand is not coming to save us. We are free to live or die in every moment of our lives that is what it means to be alive. To be free. To be strong. To lose your footing and happily find your own path.

burden of the believer

2008-04-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

So I wanted to weigh in with a pro religious institution blog,...don't worry the blog hasn't been hijacked, I just felt after I read God is not Great by Christopher Hitchens, that he left out some really important elements that blur the debate,...and I enjoy complicating an already insanely complicated issue so, let the blurring begin

I had a conversation with someone recently who revealed to me that bringing up a child in a church that has an existing community acting as a support system that at least on the surface purportedly shares his belief system helped take the burden off of trying to weed their way through social friends hoping to find couples that shared similar morals and values with him and his wife. It was help they needed when she came home with the baby and it took all their energy just to keep up, and through the church community help is what they got. It boiled down to helping their brothers and sisters in faith, and for this help they got to welcome a new recruit into their religious community.

Religion as an institution brings people together to celebrate a commonality of spirit in a very compartmentalized society. Similar to war, people from drastically different backgrounds can find themselves sitting next to each other at a sunday sermon and surprisingly find that we're not so different afterall-WOW who would have guessed a former hells angel would have bought the same spritual ticket that i did? neat o! there is something beautiful about this meeting of the minds,...I only hope that this meeting of the minds doesn't hinge on leveling judgements about those who DIDN'T buy the same ticket that they did, as I witnessed more times than i'd like to recall.

Peace of mind, I was just told today that when i change the way i look at things those things change. I thought to myself, wow what a slick bumpersticker that would be.
I'm imagining this car moving forward now I can move forward and BAM!

The world is a complicated place, religious institutions act as a funnel for all the insanity of living in this sped up consumer existence. Pouring all the murky world's problems into a divine bucket and sifted from this bucket is perspective, a divinely sifted perspective on the world. When you have a divine bucket to trust at your disposal who would want to wade into the murky world and try to sift out perspective on your own? The bucket knows best,...

Scientists who are believers,... If science has proven anything its that what we know today most likely will be improved upon if not completely shattered tomorrow. Leap frogging our way into the void even the most rational minds i'm sure seek an absolute an answer to it all. That's the seeker in all of us. To pull up short and say i could go on, but why? This is a testement to the human spirit, to imagine the vastness of our ignorance is stupefying even to the most educated of individuals. So why not stop drop to your knees and say "well,...just in case I believe."

the power of placebos never ceases to amaze me,...

questioning organized religion

2008-03-30T14:48:00.000-07:00

Ouch.

"The daughters of the high priest Anius changed whatever they chose into wheat, wine or oil. Athalida, daughter of Mercury, was resuscitated several times. Aesculapius resuscitated Hippolytus. Hercules dragged Alcestis back from death. Heres returned to the world after passing a fortnight in hell. The parents of Romulus and Remus were a god and a vestal virgin. The Palladium fell from heaven in the city of Troy. The hair of Berenice became a constellation...Give me the name of one people among whom incredible prodigies were not performed, especially when few knew how to read and write."
Voltair, Miracles and Idolatry

"The solemn elevation of infallible leaders who were a source of endless bounty and blessing; the permanent search for heretics and schismatics; the mummification of dead leaders as icons and relics; the lurid show trials that elicited incredible confession by means of torture...none of this was very difficult to interpret in traditional terms. Nor was the hysteria during times of plague and famine, when the real authorities unleashed a mad search for any culprit but the real one."
Christopher Hitchens

"A mad search for any culprit but the real one",... sounds terribly appropriate doesn't it? The culprit in the end is the institutions, but we are the threat. Any of us who have defied tradition, broken rank and started questioning the institution. How many courageous individuals over the years have been persecuted for trying to bring light to a dark time. Go back through history and its quite obvious, for as many Christians that were persecuted by the Romans during the blossoming of their religion, Christianity in turn returned the favor tenfold as they stepped into infallible shoes of divine authority. I'm only beginning to understand what religion used as a weapon has done to our species. And its truly a catharsis. To go back to the roots of it all, to see it for what it really is,...its liberating. To no longer be bound by superstition, ritual, and fear, that is the meaning of true spiritual freedom.
"I appreciate the games and shit, putting on the tie and going to church and everything da da da but there is a LIVING GOD THAT WILL SPEAK DIRECTLY FUCKING TO YOU!"
Bill Hicks

Living God. That's the key, when we pore over these ancient texts and observe the rituals that existed to wow and awe an audience into reverence we are simply buying into a very sophisticated and collectively respected puppet show. Carry the bible in your right hand and you could be a hatefilled homo-phobic sadist but you've got the right puppet at your disposal, and you've got an audience. Someone will listen because you slipped on the puppet of tradition, that's the power of inanimate divinity. This symbol, this book, this name they only have power when we recognize them as powerful. The second we turn our back on these lifeless tools and relearn about ourselves and our world that is the second GOD simply becomes a manmade word.
Once we stop looking to the inanimate puppets we'd be able to see the LIVING brilliance all around us.

Questioning organized religion

2008-03-25T16:51:00.000-07:00

"We must never forget Charles Darwin's injunction that even the most highly evolved of us will continue to carry "the indelible stamp of their lowly origin." -Christopher Hitchens

This is a theme that I've been interested in most of my adult life it all started with a simple yet disgusting revelation. "I'll never be good enough." I remember this mantra echoing in my mind after my weekly conditioning sessions in sunday school. The adult members of the church tapped to be teachers, weilding weapons of guilt and shame beat into my head and the heads of my peers this mantra and quickly it became the gut wrenching foundation that brought about much of the anger and ambition I've carried with me to this day. "We were perfect, once. And then we pulled away from God, and brought sin upon ourselves. And now its on you and me. We WERE rejects, until jesus came and gave us a second chance." What I heard and I certainly was not the only one, was quite simply we are damaged goods. And we should be seeking to be fixed, fixed by the very FORCE that made us. My question was always, why did he make us damaged then. Some people will say by God giving us freewill this excuses his callous anger and twisted logic, they will say he gave us an opportunity to remain perfect or become imperfect and because we don't act like GOD we chose the latter. Its on us not the maker.
WOW. If this isn't a perfect bating for the snob in all of us I don't know what is? "Oh I totally believe I'll be perfect and Godlike in heaven. You're damn right I'll have no any desire to do the things that made me pathetically imperfect. Cause i'll be perfect and that's definitely worth denying myself worldly pleasures because being Godlike is the ultimate state of being."
According to Genesis we got kicked out of the garden of eden for trying to be like God, we wanted to gain the knowledge of good and evil, and he didn't want us to know that. So he kicked us out, NOW he WANTS us to live like him and then he'll let us back in. WHAT?! Make up your mind!
We are imperfect, the world is imperfect and that's why it continues to evolve and change. To believe that we were perfect right from the start is to set an unattainable bar that as I stated at the beginning of the blog only results in frustration, fear, anger, and shame. The perfect ingredients to build a seeking legion of followers. We seek to be whole because we believe we can be. We are imperfect. And that's ok. We are animals that learned to lie to themselves. WE believed that the world revolved around us until one of us realized that when we die the world won't die-therefore we are simply existing in it, taking up space that will not miss us when we're gone and continue on as if we never were. AND THAT'S OK. But that's dangerous, because that means we aren't as special as we were lead to believe. That can't be right. When mankind dies the world HAS to die GOD made the world for man. Right? OOPS.

Of course the other end of the spectrum is-"Ok well fine, we're imperfect that means I'll just sit on my ass and let things happen to me, the world keeps spinning and my life doesn't mean anything when the score is added up, so since i can't change anything I'll just take up space. You can call me a turd that hasn't been flushed yet." This ridiculously selfish attitude has helped indifference balloon exponentially as more and more countries become secular we fall back on the idea that without fear of a jealous god we aren't held to any standards of ethics, other than the ones backed by the state. But this isn't the case at all. We DO have a responsibility to each other,... just because we can't be perfect doesn't mean we can grow. Growing doesn't equate to seeking perfection it simply means stretching your mind muscles and heart beyond where you are right now. Knowing there is no finish line, only bends in the road and new obstacles to explore and grow from gives me a sense of childlike curiosity about the world and about myself. The alternative, always looking over my shoulder apologizing for being me, living life with the eyes of a judge on high-weighing my every decision, how suppressive.
That's why I've come to accept it, I am imperfect. I'd never want to be perfect. That would kill all that is me. Ethically I aim to balance the good with the bad, and allow the weak to be reinforced by the strong. Living responsiblely for the wrong reasons is just as bad as living irresponsibly convinced that you are always in the right. We can and should live responsibly for sake of the whole because its the right thing to do and it just makes sense, not because we expect a reward for all our efforts.
Accepting myself for all the imperfections I have, makes me whole. Liberating me from needing a man-made GOD to make me whole.

they said it better, so let's listen closely

2008-03-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

Here are some great quotes I've come across that I wanted to share:

"In The Future of an Illusion, Freud made the obvious point that religion suffered from one incurable deficiency: it was too clearly derived from our own desire to escape from or survive death. ...Who-exccept for an ancient priest seeking to exert power by the tried and tested means of fear-could possibly wish that this hopelessly knotted skein of fable had any veracity?" Christopher Hitchens

"Peacefully they will die, peacefully they will expire in your name, and beyond the grave they will find only death. But we will keep the secret, and for their own happiness we will entice them with a heavenly and eternal reward." the bros. karamazov

"We must never forget Charles Darwin's injunction that even the most highly evolved of us will continue to carry "the indelible stamp of our lowly origin." Christopher Hitchens

"Reason is the devil's harlot, who can do nought but slander and harm whatever God says and does." Martin Luther

"Many religions now come before us with ingratiating smirks and outspread hands, like an unctous merchant in a bazaar. They offer consolation and solidarity and uplift competing as they do in a market place. But we have a right to remember how barbarically they behaved when they were strong and were making an offer that people couldn't refuse." Christopher Hitchens

the forbidden fruit

2008-03-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

"It all began with that ancient lesson from Genesis: man is forbidden to seek awareness; he should be content to believe and obey."
Michel Onfray

I've been flipping this quote around in my head for a little while and I think I may have an interesting interpretation of why the attainment of the knowledge of good and evil was such a threat to God's little paradise.
They didn't know they were naked, they had no shame, before their eyes were opened by eating the forbidden fruit. But what the writers that wrote the Bible in the past didn't know and we know now about sensory learning is that there is no good and evil there is only pain and pleasure. We've moralized pain as being bad and pleasure as being good but at the beginning they had no knowledge of anything.
So was it a knowledge of moral good and evil, or a sensory awareness that they lacked until their "eyes" were opened? And more specifically how could it be knowledge of moral good and evil when God hadn't given adam or eve any morals yet but he did give them dominion, you own everything here. You have free rein except for these 2 trees don't eat from them, or you'll die. but what was death to them? There WAS no death in eden so how could they be in fear of something they had no exposure to. God might as well have said if you eath this apple you'll become longitude.

I believe the moral to this story is that they were numb until they began to feel. We should aspire to being numb to be more like we were supposed to be in paradise before we got ahead of ourselves and wanted to try out what it meant to be alive? And by alive i mean self aware. Once we explore our bodies and our minds and discover that we all have limitations and the ability to surpise ourselves I hope we would all come to the realization, that with life comes vulnerability and personal triumph but no one gets an extension. But then again, who wants to live in the real scary NOW when you can live for a glimmering candyland in space when you die.
Yeah that sounds sane.
Here's the other point that makes no sense to me, the snake. You're telling me that a source of power that was so omnipotent, it could create life from nothingness would not know that he set up a spoiler in the garden. Oh but I can hear the retort right now, "it was a test."
ok,...that's fucked up creating something from nothing and then giving it a nuclear weapon and saying now don't push this red button. But anything else feel free to do whatever you want with it. What a dick.
What would have happened if they had not eaten the fruit? A T-rex (oh wait God never created giant lizards,...right?) ok so a wombat would have been the next thing to tempt them? We were bound to fail, by design according to the bible. We HAD to fail because we aren't living numb and blissful,...not yet anyway. And that's apparently paradise. So its our fault. So get on your knees and repeat to yourself I am not worthy of life,...even though YOU are alive and before adam and eve ate the forbidden fruit they were not. They existed but were not alive by our evolved standards of what constitues life, anyway.
Self Awareness,...what a deliciously forbidden delight.

Quote from the "Atheist Manifesto"

2008-03-11T13:11:00.000-07:00

"Well before it was used to describe the God-denier, the word "atheist" served to codemn the thinking of the man even marginally liberated from authority and social supervision in questions of thought and reflection the atheist was a man free in god's eyes and ultimately free to deny God's existence."
Michel Onfray

Act 2 keep dreamin'

2008-01-20T01:27:00.000-08:00

Thanks so much to everyone who have given me comments, criticism, and encouragement, this first act was a baptism of fire more than anything, I had an idea of how i was going to do it, but you never really know until you're already knee deep in it. And that's a dirty little secret that no creative person likes to admit but its true. If I could tell how something was going to turn out I probably wouldn't be interested in the process. Its in the mistakes and the obstacles that the magic really happens,...
I'm excited about the next act, its gonna be a trip. I've been interested in dreams for a long time. The waking dream, the passive dream, the therapist's dream-oh you know freud loved pumpin' meaning into his subjects' dreams,...I'm just saying sometimes its a random minddump no rhyme or reason to it, yet a therapist still has to justify to his/her patient why they're charging them $60 an hour to hear you monologue.
But I digress, I've always believed dreams are a powerful tool for an individual's growth-no filters-no social pressures to worry about, just the naked pysche. It's so easy to drift from a wonderful fantasy to a cruel nightmare before you could know what hit you. Powerful symbolism and random absurdity go hand in hand in the ever changing world of dreams. And it is in this world that the second act begins. Some of my inspirations for this act come from Ralph Steadman's brilliantly grotesque illustrations for Hunter S. Thompson's Gonzo journalism.
I look forward to sharing the next act with you all, my website is being updated with concept art for the second act as we speak if you'd like to get a glimpse of some of the elements of the second act.
act 2 coming soon
Jared

THANK YOU

2008-01-12T20:13:00.000-08:00

To all my mentors, muses, friends and family, thank you SO MUCH. Without your support this epic project would never have gotten off the ground.
Specifically Ryan, I can't say enough about how much your support and help means to me. We started this thing with a rant and a dream, and now the dream has evolved and its becoming a reality. Without your assistance and your faith I could never have made it happen. You're the best.
To Mikey G, my comrade in creative arms our sessions of brainstorming have been invaluable to me. To have a friend who is as dedicated to your craft and as hungry to learn as you are has been really inspirational. We'll hammer out our respective projects under our own steam brother, no doubt. Thanks for everything.
John (Dr. Pete), what can I say? You are the best mentor and life coach I've ever had the pleasure of conversing with and learning from. I've grown so much creatively thanks to our late night verbal volley sessions. Thank you for helping me raise the bar,...and my tolerance for Scotch.
To all my great friends, Paul Bailey, Roy Behrens, Brian Apthorp, Ben Humiston, Derrick Jellison, Damon Brown, Stephanie Fossek, Jamie Dan and Cole Cat, Danny Stone, Noushin Bayat, Lisa Dan and Liberty, April Terry Joe and Wendy, Amanda Jane and your entire four-legged posse, Susan Christiansen, Mona Barrows, Rod @ Boulevard Camera, Jennie and Michael McAnaney, and to all the friends I haven't mentioned here I thank you all for your support, seriously I couldn't have summoned the strength to do this without you.
And a Special thanks goes out to my family:
Larry Cherie Jessica Ryan Jana and little Evan for supporting me and accepting the path i've taken, thank you for having faith,....in me.

Fear

2007-11-14T22:22:00.000-08:00

The following is from a lecture by Bertrand Russell March 6, 1927 at Battersea Town Hall under the auspices of the South London Branch of the National Secular Society.

Fear, the Foundation of Religion
"Religion is based, i think, primarily and mainly upon fear. It is partly terror of the unknown and partly, as I have said the wish to feel that you have a kind of elder brother who will stand by you in all your troubles and disputes. Fear is the basis of the whole thing-fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. Fear is the parent of cruelty, and therefore it is no wonder if cruelty and religion have gone hand in hand. It is because fear is at the basis of those two things. In this world we can now begin a little to understand things, and a little to master them by help of science, which has forced its way step by step against christian religion, against the churches, and against the opposition of all the old precepts. Science can help us to get over this craven fear in which mankind has lived for so many generations. Science can teach us, and i think our own hearts can teach us, no longer to look around for imaginary supports, no longer to invent allies in the sky, but rather to look to our own efforts here below to make this world a fit place to live in, instead of the sort of place that the churches in all these centuries have made it."

I agree with most of this statement I would say however that progress for progress sake in science can also be a disasterous ambition-so, obviously checks on science are needed as well.

When I dig deep into myself I know that fear has driven me away from myself and others that have attempted to get close to me for my entire life. Fear.
And isn't it true that to be a good Christian its been said you must be a God fearing Christian.
Fear the man behind the curtain, get in line keep your head down and maybe you'll be spared from the gnashing of teeth and hellfire that await those who are 'fearless'.
If there is a grand source of life that has created everything on this planet I don't fear it, instead I acknowledge its place and accept my place wherever I land in the grand scheme of things.
I am flooded with a sense of tranquilty knowing that I don't have to fear the world, I just need to get by in it.