commiting to forward motion

do you remember what it was like to stand at the high dive as a kid and look down? all you had to do is walk forward and the decision was made, regardless of how you felt about it you were on your way for good or ill.
and usually it wasn't nearly as scary as you may have made it out to be.
Change, its terrifying, paralyzing,
but it can be liberating,... when you're making decisions based on trust not in someone else to take care of you-but in yourself
you to tend to find a way to make it happen. I'll admit because of the financial crisis even though i'd like to think i'm an empowered individual, fearless of change, i was paralyzed.
but today, i made a change. with assistance from friends with some of the details,...but for the most part just simply creating a formula and following the formula it all fell in line quicker than i expected and i got exactly what i wanted. committing to forward motion, that's it.
this does tie into the sins of the father theme, we are not slaves to the currents of life. if we decide we can guide ourselves and not just be tossed about like listless boats
if believing in a higher power grounds you and it emboldens you into action, great
but for me,...action is the real source of power in life. it's easy to talk, which is what prayer is,...the hard part comes when you have to make the words real. bring them to life with action.
it's terribly difficult like walking away from a girlfriend/boyfriend you've really invested in but knew you were only hurting each other by staying together-that'll gut you right to the core, but when and if you do-that's the amazing part, its never as hard as you think it will be,...
you just have to love yourself enough to say-I DESERVE BETTER, and i will raise the bar for myself.
-ok, its not a huge deal but symbolically it means the world to me, i got my first apartment on the westcoast by myself, its not that i had any issues living by myself-i actually prefer it but i didn't think i could afford it. but, as i said before once i got it in my head this is what i needed, i found a way.
there's ALWAYS a way. you just have to stop talking and do it.