commiting to forward motion

do you remember what it was like to stand at the high dive as a kid and look down? all you had to do is walk forward and the decision was made, regardless of how you felt about it you were on your way for good or ill.
and usually it wasn't nearly as scary as you may have made it out to be.
Change, its terrifying, paralyzing,
but it can be liberating,... when you're making decisions based on trust not in someone else to take care of you-but in yourself
you to tend to find a way to make it happen. I'll admit because of the financial crisis even though i'd like to think i'm an empowered individual, fearless of change, i was paralyzed.
but today, i made a change. with assistance from friends with some of the details,...but for the most part just simply creating a formula and following the formula it all fell in line quicker than i expected and i got exactly what i wanted. committing to forward motion, that's it.
this does tie into the sins of the father theme, we are not slaves to the currents of life. if we decide we can guide ourselves and not just be tossed about like listless boats
if believing in a higher power grounds you and it emboldens you into action, great
but for me,...action is the real source of power in life. it's easy to talk, which is what prayer is,...the hard part comes when you have to make the words real. bring them to life with action.
it's terribly difficult like walking away from a girlfriend/boyfriend you've really invested in but knew you were only hurting each other by staying together-that'll gut you right to the core, but when and if you do-that's the amazing part, its never as hard as you think it will be,...
you just have to love yourself enough to say-I DESERVE BETTER, and i will raise the bar for myself.
-ok, its not a huge deal but symbolically it means the world to me, i got my first apartment on the westcoast by myself, its not that i had any issues living by myself-i actually prefer it but i didn't think i could afford it. but, as i said before once i got it in my head this is what i needed, i found a way.
there's ALWAYS a way. you just have to stop talking and do it.

hope vs. faith

"there's a trickle down theory at work in the church. The celibate priest advises married couples, the celibate nun advises teen on their sexuality. All i need is faith?
Faith in what? Faith in the fact that i can suspend the human thought process in order to allow for this kind of lunacy? no they say, it's the faith that brings sanity."
-lewis black
i believe strongly that's it more important to have hope, than it is to have faith. hope means you are optimistic you choose to see the good in a situation as opposed to the bad, faith in my opinion means you expect something from nothing. doesn't that seem dangerous?
expectations are dangerous especially when they are fantasies of unconditional acceptance. again a truly human creation. animals in the wild sometimes abandon their offspring. why? maybe there's something wrong with the baby and the mother senses it. but they're so cute and adorable, sad but that's life. death sucks. but it is a part of life, to cheat death or to somehow avoid its finality through fantasy seems to be a tragedy human nature cannot fully cope with. and that therefore effects the quality of life when we are still able to live it. i'm not loved here, i will be loved in death. how isn't that scary? that means that the disturbed can divorce themselves from their actions here on earth because in the end they fully believe the slate will be wiped clean in the afterlife. That gives them all the justification in the world to kill maim rape murder all under the mandate of an imaginary friend they expect will be waiting with open arms to play hopscotch in the clouds after they pass from this life. that is fucking terrifying. such is the power and the delusion of faith.

who would have thought,...

not that it fucking matters but
horray for the people finally finding their voice
what is this a new fucking discovery?! THIS is exactly the reason why the rest of the world reacted so strongly to the decisions that bush and his administration has made,...our country is very diverse and yet the rest of the world only saw one point of view
well guess what,...no more. no more-or so i hope-the entrenched a-holes that have run business as usual continue on,...i hope a REAL change has taken place,...only actions will determine if this is true or if this just another PR spin,...
this is a wonderful moment,...but this is just the beginning of a VERY LONG JOURNEY and trust me the republicans and the hateful fucks that never wanted this to happen will not go quietly into the night,...he's going to have to fight for every inch,...and all i can hope is the wind is at his back for the whole journey,...

congrats---america finally you've shown you're not the a-holes the rest of the world has rightfully assumed you are
j