Questioning organized religion

"We must never forget Charles Darwin's injunction that even the most highly evolved of us will continue to carry "the indelible stamp of their lowly origin." -Christopher Hitchens

This is a theme that I've been interested in most of my adult life it all started with a simple yet disgusting revelation. "I'll never be good enough." I remember this mantra echoing in my mind after my weekly conditioning sessions in sunday school. The adult members of the church tapped to be teachers, weilding weapons of guilt and shame beat into my head and the heads of my peers this mantra and quickly it became the gut wrenching foundation that brought about much of the anger and ambition I've carried with me to this day. "We were perfect, once. And then we pulled away from God, and brought sin upon ourselves. And now its on you and me. We WERE rejects, until jesus came and gave us a second chance." What I heard and I certainly was not the only one, was quite simply we are damaged goods. And we should be seeking to be fixed, fixed by the very FORCE that made us. My question was always, why did he make us damaged then. Some people will say by God giving us freewill this excuses his callous anger and twisted logic, they will say he gave us an opportunity to remain perfect or become imperfect and because we don't act like GOD we chose the latter. Its on us not the maker.
WOW. If this isn't a perfect bating for the snob in all of us I don't know what is? "Oh I totally believe I'll be perfect and Godlike in heaven. You're damn right I'll have no any desire to do the things that made me pathetically imperfect. Cause i'll be perfect and that's definitely worth denying myself worldly pleasures because being Godlike is the ultimate state of being."
According to Genesis we got kicked out of the garden of eden for trying to be like God, we wanted to gain the knowledge of good and evil, and he didn't want us to know that. So he kicked us out, NOW he WANTS us to live like him and then he'll let us back in. WHAT?! Make up your mind!
We are imperfect, the world is imperfect and that's why it continues to evolve and change. To believe that we were perfect right from the start is to set an unattainable bar that as I stated at the beginning of the blog only results in frustration, fear, anger, and shame. The perfect ingredients to build a seeking legion of followers. We seek to be whole because we believe we can be. We are imperfect. And that's ok. We are animals that learned to lie to themselves. WE believed that the world revolved around us until one of us realized that when we die the world won't die-therefore we are simply existing in it, taking up space that will not miss us when we're gone and continue on as if we never were. AND THAT'S OK. But that's dangerous, because that means we aren't as special as we were lead to believe. That can't be right. When mankind dies the world HAS to die GOD made the world for man. Right? OOPS.

Of course the other end of the spectrum is-"Ok well fine, we're imperfect that means I'll just sit on my ass and let things happen to me, the world keeps spinning and my life doesn't mean anything when the score is added up, so since i can't change anything I'll just take up space. You can call me a turd that hasn't been flushed yet." This ridiculously selfish attitude has helped indifference balloon exponentially as more and more countries become secular we fall back on the idea that without fear of a jealous god we aren't held to any standards of ethics, other than the ones backed by the state. But this isn't the case at all. We DO have a responsibility to each other,... just because we can't be perfect doesn't mean we can grow. Growing doesn't equate to seeking perfection it simply means stretching your mind muscles and heart beyond where you are right now. Knowing there is no finish line, only bends in the road and new obstacles to explore and grow from gives me a sense of childlike curiosity about the world and about myself. The alternative, always looking over my shoulder apologizing for being me, living life with the eyes of a judge on high-weighing my every decision, how suppressive.
That's why I've come to accept it, I am imperfect. I'd never want to be perfect. That would kill all that is me. Ethically I aim to balance the good with the bad, and allow the weak to be reinforced by the strong. Living responsiblely for the wrong reasons is just as bad as living irresponsibly convinced that you are always in the right. We can and should live responsibly for sake of the whole because its the right thing to do and it just makes sense, not because we expect a reward for all our efforts.
Accepting myself for all the imperfections I have, makes me whole. Liberating me from needing a man-made GOD to make me whole.